After Math...

Not good at all. My legs hurt after going skating. I didn't fall but i sucked big time. I could barely let go of the freaking wall. But it was really fun with my friends! After we went skaing we went to the movies in Opry Mills Mall. We saw Land of the Lost. It was so funny! Now i can't wait to see Year One. That looks funny too. Oh and i've been texting this guy. His name is Connor. He lives in Michigan. I found out about him cuz my neighbor Laurie likes this guy from Michigan (he's a friend of her family) and it's his little brother. She was on the phone with him and was telling him about me and he was wanting to hook me and Connor up. I told him no cuz he lives far away and i cant see him. I love having friends so i wanted to talk to him and be his friend. But it was unintentional to actually start liking him. And as a girl you shouldn't be surprised that i have standards. The main ones are he can't be shorter, younger, or in a lower grade. And of course it's the opposite with Connor. He's only one year younger and one inch shorter. He's gonna be 14 September 6th. I'll be 15 November 29th. I'm 5 foot 5 inches and he's 5 foot 4 inches. I'm going into 9th grade and he's going into 8th grade. The biggest matter is that he lives like 2 states away! There's also this other guy. He matches my standards. He's like 6 foot something, he'll be 18 soon, he's going to be a senior, and he lives near me. The thing is he has a girlfriend. But he spent the night at my house (he's friend's with my brother) and we all watched movies together. He touched me, when Chris wasn't there or was distracted. Not a way a friend would either. But after that i felt so horribly sick and disgusted. At myself and him. We both knew about his girlfriend. The sickness lasted non-stop for 3 days. Then after that every time i thought about it i got so sick and so sad. It doesn't hurt anymore. But for some reason i feel so pissed when i think about him. I want to hurt him so he feels what i felt. I want to be so mean to him (not physically hurting him). I don't know why though. I've never felt this way before so i don't know what's going on. I can't stand to think about him or talk about him. I want him to be out of my life and everything i remember about him to be forgotten. It's so confusing. I don't hate him (don't think) but i don't love him (do hope). That's why i want to have Connor. He's nice and sweet. I like him. I want to think about Connor, not Him (refuse to say or think his name). I want to think about Connor, not Him. I want Connor be where He is. I want Him gone and Connor here with me. I really do like Connor. It'd be easier if we were together. I'd be happier.